Clarity Not Yet Achieved and Boogers and…

I wish I could say that I have achieved great clarity and made fantastic progress toward my goals.  But that would be a lie.

I have realized that pursuing goals that I’m not really excited about is going to be very very difficult for me.  I have some ideas about things to pursue but haven’t quite convinced myself that they are realistic.

I have also realized that the only thing that is really important to me is feeling like I’m making a positive contribution to the world.  I can deal with having very little money and being in a less-than-awesome relationship easily if I have this.  But perhaps if I worked this out and found a good way to achieve this then the other things will work themselves out as well.  Yes, I can dream can’t I?

So, to give you an idea of my day to day life – hmmm – or not – do I really want to say this?  Cliff notes version – husband and I are in the car having a conversation about what to make for dinner – husband answers “boogers and cum” – and continues to pose this answer to all questions that I ask.  Yes, this is what the marriage of two forty-somethings looks like.  What is that movie “This is 40” – I never saw it – but who knew?

The comedy in our marriage often wears thin on me.  In the beginning I liked it but what do they say?  The things that initially attracted you to someone eventually become the things you can’t stand anymore?

Ha, but in response to the incessant “boogers and cum” response I started tapping on the EFT tapping points on my husband while we were at traffic stops.  HA – how’s that for annoying?  Yes, I don’t care if he makes fun of my EFT.  Ha.  True dat.  I have learned to dish out annoyingness myself these days.  Unfortunately it sometimes backfires on me and he finds an even more annoying way to counteract my annoyingness.  This is less easy for him to do while he is driving or when we are in public.  So I have the upper hand in that arena.

The Helen Keller quote keeps coming to mind “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”  When you’re deaf and blind I guess everything is pretty much a daring adventure.

I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say it’s “nothing at all” but it is definitely lacking in my book.  There are too many ideas brewing in my mind about how to change this.  I need to pick one.  I have to get out of dreamland.

I can say that I have been doing EFT every day and feeling much more positive.  It keeps me thinking about possible solutions rather than problems.  Perhaps metaphysical progress is being made more than tangible progress.  I’m putting things into my vortex.  Yes, that’s what’s happening.

Addendum:  I like to double check quotes before posting them.  So apparently the quote from above is indeed a Helen Keller quote but the “at all” was added later and was not part of her original quote.  If you you wish to know more here is a link that will tell you more.

Posted in Diary, Life Journey, spirituality | Tagged | Leave a comment

Should I Get a Job or Create a Business?

A big debate that goes on in my head is whether I should try to start my own business doing some idealistic thing or if I should get a job.

Whenever I look at jobs on the internet I get discouraged.  I used to start getting very depressed while doing job searches.  I don’t get those feelings as much anymore.  My feelings about getting a job are more neutral.  I worry more about forcing myself into the daily grind again.  It used to just wear away at my soul trying to fit everything in my life around a job.  I have great respect for all of you dedicated job holders.  May the force be with you.

When I think about starting my own business all sorts of worries and limiting beliefs come up.  Last night I had a dream where I opened my own business.  I was teaching people something.  I’m not sure what exactly, but a time lapse of a white board played out in front of me and lots of words and diagrams quickly appeared and disappeared from the board as if a lot of time was passing quickly and I was teaching a lot of different lessons.  But then I was shown the storefront of my business and it was closed and you could see in the windows that it was empty.  There was some sort of religious man standing out front gloating.  He was glad that my business had failed because it was some sort of “abomination”.  Weirdness.  Another man in black also seemed happy that it failed and he was yelling mean things at me.  Great.

I wish I could find a job that had sort of a family feel.  I used to work at the library at my college and the students who worked there were all friends and it was fun coming to work.  I haven’t experienced that since then.  If I started my own business or made some small attempt at it I wish I knew I would have some kind of cheerleading squad.  The Cheers theme song comes to mind “Where everybody knows your name….”.  I often feel so alone in all my thoughts and endeavors.

I listened to an episode of a podcast called the “Good Life Project”.  The guest on the most recent episode was Jen Sincero.  She is the author of a book called You Are A Badass.  It was encouraging to listen to her story.  She helps people pursue what they really want to do with their lives instead of just doing the safe things that they think will keep the cash in the bank account.  Laura Berman Fortgang is another life coach who helps people achieve their dreams.  I watched some of her videos.

I feel like I should stay away from the woo woo in any business that I decide to pursue for now.  I’m still in my own tentative stages of believing in the woo woo and am not ready to promote it in any way more public than a low traffic blog.  My latest idea is to promote better communication, but not as a guru, more as a facilitator type person.  I like the idea of small groups talking about their issues and helping one another work through them.  Perhaps this would start out as a small book club.  I am not very confident in my own communication skills and don’t really have a place to hone them at the moment.  So I had the need to look up the word hone to make sure it means what I think it means.  So this is for any vocabulary buffs out there.

hone 1

(hōn)

n.

1. A fine-grained whetstone for giving a keen edge to a cutting tool.
2. A tool with a rotating abrasive tip for enlarging holes to precise dimensions.
tr.v. honed, hon·ing, hones

1. To sharpen on a fine-grained whetstone.
2. To perfect or make more intense or effective: a speaker who honed her delivery by long practice.

Phrasal Verb:

hone inUsage Problem

1. To move or advance toward a target or goal: The missiles honed in on the military installation.
2. To focus the attention or make progress achieving an objective: The lawyer honed in on the gist of the plaintiff’s testimony.
Okay, a job, I should get one to ease my anxiety for now.  I am way too far away from creating my own business.  Who am I kidding?
Who is hiring?  Where do the nice people work?  I have got to find those people.
I followed along with this EFT video yesterday.  I’m not sure if it really gave me more focus but I did have more energy.  I often get the need to yawn when doing the videos.  I guess that means you’re releasing energy or something.  I’m not sure what today’s video will be.
I should probably be spending less time in blogland and more time building my confidence in the real world.  The real world can be fun right?  Time to find a new EFT video.
Posted in Blogging, Diary, Life Journey, metaphysical | Tagged | Leave a comment

More Random Thoughts on EFT, New Age Spirituality, Etc.

Yet again my mind swirls with a hodgepodge of potential blog topics.  I can’t seem to focus on any one of them long enough to write a coherent blog post.

So I found a bunch of YouTube videos with EFT scripts made by Brad Yates.  I’ve been doing some of those.  I will post those at the bottom of this if anyone is interested.  He has really made a ton of videos so it’s likely you could find one that applies to you.

New Age spirituality concepts have been swirling around my mind.  I think maybe the EFT brought this on.  I don’t know.  At any rate the conflict that often rears its ugly head is me trying to get my head around the idea that I should follow my highest excitement – get in the vortex – follow my bliss – and stop worrying about the details, planning, stressing out and wearing out my brain.  I find that it’s true that whenever I try to “figure it out” I just get overwhelmed and then my mood sinks and I just can’t seem to get motivated to move in any direction.  I just want to be in the moment and talk to my cat or go sit in the sunlight.

Is this New Age thinking just overly optimistic bullshit that will lead to a life of serious flakiness.  I couldn’t really say because I never followed the advice.  I’ve always kept one foot in both camps and that hasn’t worked very well at all.  I get halfway to San Diego and then drive home I suppose – as an analogy of Abraham that I’ve heard.

So I heard that message from another YouTube guru yesterday.  But he was talking about how the first part of your life is spent planning, acquiring, achieving – thinking your way through it all.  But he said that is second half should be spent more living in the moment.  I just wish I had planned out the first half better so I would feel more free to live in the moment in this half.  But I cannot change the past.  Who knows what fantastic thing my vortex could deliver to me that could change everything right?

But is that just more wishful thinking?

I should put my nose to the grindstone and get my shit together and work hard and build whatever it is I’m supposed to build and blah blah blah.  I’m supposed to be disciplined.

I am making this too complicated.  I just want to feel useful to the world.  I can put up with all kinds of bullshit and whatnot if I feel like I’m making a valuable contribution – even if it is just doing mundane things.  I make it all too complicated.

I think of the Borg in Star Trek – it’s all laid out for them.  No thinking required.  Not that I’m hoping to assimilate anyone of course.  They make their contribution to the collective and follow the hive mind.

I seem to keep deleting the best comments that people make by accident. Damn it I just deleted a really good one.  What the heck?  Don’t be offended if I managed to delete your comment somehow.  Argh.

I was going to write a bunch more stuff about EFT and energy medicine and how I’m trying to wrap my mind around it.  I feel like it sounds like such bullshit.  I wouldn’t think much about it unless I had experienced the healing power that it has.  I feel like I’m supposed to be an advocate for it, at least on some small level.  But it all sounds like such bulls**t.  Me and my conflicted mind.  Perhaps my life was meant to serve as some tentative bridge between the world of logic and reason and the weird woowooness that is emerging on the planet.

OMG this post is a mess.  I sound like I’m bipolar in the manic phase or something.  Should I even post this?  Haven’t I written a post like this before?

Okay – links to EFT videos.  I will have to find the one about focusing your mind and try that one today.  Here are the two videos that I did yesterday.

 

I definitely have more energy in the last day or so.  Can I attribute this to EFT?  Perhaps.  I was in a real slump there for a while.

Posted in Blogging, Emotional Healing, spirituality | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Helping Children Deal with Anxiety and I May Have Had Some Positive Influence – Say Wha?

So my bestie best friend talks to me about her parenting issues from time to time.  Her daughter is a very strong willed and outgoing child who also seems to have a lot of anxiety.  After foolishly  letting her daughter watch “Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children” her daughter became afraid to be alone in their house and has to follow her mom everywhere she goes from room to room.

I suggested she try EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique – with her daughter to help her deal with her anxiety.  I think I may have mistakenly given the impression that it would help her daughter stop sucking her thumb, which it may not really do.  But I figured it might help her deal with the underlying anxiety that causes her to suck her thumb.  At any rate, I’m not sure that my friend is sold on EFT but she said that her daughter seems interested in it and wanted her mom to practice it with her – SO YAY!!!  Maybe I got through to the 5 year old.  Maybe she will have a way to deal with the difficult times in her life that so many of us(me) have allowed to hold us back.  Yes, I am probably being overly optimistic here but a girl can always dream.

So what can I say about EFT to the people of the world or at least the two people who might read this post?  I’m probably preaching to the choir here anyway but just in case someone else less knowledgeable stops by I need to choose my words wisely.  I don’t want to gush about it because then people just think that I must be full of crap.

EFT is a helpful tool that may help one deal with difficult emotions that hold them back from achieving their dreams or that make dealing with every day life difficult.

To me it has been most helpful when I am in the middle of an emotional crisis.  But I can also feel its subtle influence on days when I practice it in the morning.  I seem to be in a better mood on those days and my day just seems to go more smoothly.  I don’t let small setbacks get me down as much.

The other thing that I like about it is that you don’t have to share your problems and embarrassing issues with anyone.  You can simply process them and work through them privately and no one has to be any the wiser.  This is especially helpful in today’s world where mental illness has such stigma and consulting a professional will likely get you a prescription for mind altering drugs.

At any rate, in case people think that EFT aka Tapping is just something that is practiced in the back rooms of new age churches, take a look at these videos.

I should be practicing this more myself but I have gotten out of the habit.  Perhaps I will begin writing daily posts about my EFT practice and commit to doing it every morning for a week.  I am not very good with daily habits.

Try some EFT!!  What have you got to lose??  Or don’t.  I will still love you either way.  No worries.

 

Posted in Anxiety, Emotional Healing | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments