Do Not Focus On What Is – Well Unless You Like What Is Of Course

Focus on what you want and not on what is.  I always seem to forget that.  I don’t like to put quotes up or make vision boards because I don’t like to face ridicule.  Such a sensitive little bird I am.  Gag.  Everything happens for a reason, right?

Yes I am much wiser for what I have experienced in the last few years.  Perhaps I will be able to rebuild from where I am.  I am not super confident at the moment though.

I want to be free to be me.

Perhaps I should go to Texas to visit my mom.  But she and everyone living in her house have a level of disfunctionality going on that I find hard to deal with being the sensitive little bird that I am.  Gag.  Plus there isn’t really a room for me to stay in there.  I need my space to retreat, especially with the level of kookooness going on there.  Alas, ’tis a bad idea.

I need to clean up the energy in my bedroom.  I would like to get rid of all of my belongings.  Well, most of them.  I started on that yesterday, well, just general cleaning, and then had an energy crash that sent me into a moderate depression.  My vibration is just all over the place lately.  I feel stupid writing things in Law of Attraction terms.  Perhaps that is just because I don’t feel free to be me.  Waaaaahh.

I like to listen to Muse music.  I just love Matt Bellamy’s guitar riffs.  I think I was a revolutionary in a past life.  When I first learned about the truth of 9/11 I was so fired up.  Man I was pissed.  I started talking about that s&^t to everyone.  They all seemed very confused and most thought I was losing it.  Perhaps I was.  Then a whole cascade of events really effed things up for me for a while.  Be careful if you start talking about 9/11.  There is a reason that people still don’t talk about it.  I will leave it at that.

How come the psychotic people always wind up being in charge of things?

Focus on what you want and not what is.

I can’t afford to think about 9/11 at the moment.  But sometimes it’s just nice to be unabashedly pissed off about things.

Somehow I need to transform this sentiment…

more into this type of sentiment….

I totally love this song by Kenny Loggins.  If you haven’t yet heard it, I highly recommend it.

Such a confused soul I am.

Can I fully embrace the law of attraction?  I need to look for that good feeling thought.


Posted in Idealism, Conspiracy | Leave a comment

Tony Robbins Can Solve Problems

Ha, yes I did come across a Tony Robbins video randomly on my YouTube feed the other day.  Help me Tony!!!  Haha.

So this particular video was filmed at some big seminar event and Tony was talking to a couple about what was going wrong in their marriage.  I would post it here but there was some lady interrupting all the time and giving commentary, which was very annoying, so I will not subject anyone to that.  Plus it was an hour and a half long.  I only got through an hour of it before I got interrupted.

His advice was perhaps oversimplified but seemed to be helping this couple.  His no BS approach was refreshing.

So I looked up Tony’s qualifications/education and guess what?  He doesn’t have any formal education beyond high school.  He also happened to have grown up in the town right next to mine.  Go figure.

So then I started considering how little practical training that we are given in our formal education regarding relationships and dealing with people.  I wouldn’t have to be a super duper expert to be able to offer some simple training on this subject.  I still have a lot to learn but I think I can learn a lot from books and videos and whatnot without sitting it a classroom.

If nothing else, I could just have meetup groups for free and see if I am any good at this or have the ovaries for it.

I can’t just learn stuff anymore.  I need to put it into action in some small way at least or I’ll just be stuck in fear and indecision.

Anyway, that’s my latest train of thought.


Posted in Confidence | Leave a comment

Just Some Pictures of Bodie, California

Bodie is an abandoned mining town that I recently visited.  It is being maintained in a state of arrested decay.  I thought I would share a few pictures of the place.

Gold was discovered near there in 1859.  The first mill was established in 1861.  It is estimated that the population grew to about 10,000 by 1880.

All mining operations had to cease in 1942 because of World War II and resources being needed elsewhere.  The last people left town in 1962 when it became a state park.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Run Away if You Want to Survive…

Hello hello hello!

What to say?

Before I go off an a ramble you may wonder what I have been up to.  I have been looking at ideas for businesses and feeling confused.  I have been learning a lot of information that I will probably forget.  Big surprise there.

My husband and I went to Bodie, California, this past weekend.  It is an abandoned mining town that is being preserved in a state of arrested decay.  This mostly means that they fix the roofs of the old buildings and prop them up when they look like they are leaning over.  Apparently teenagers used to collect up the gold and silver in mercury balls that they rolled up with their hands.  Yep, those young men were expendable, as were all of the miners.

My brain is overloaded with information as usual.  I’m not so sure my story is going to have a happy ending.  I’m not sure I care any more.  Ergh.  No, I’m not feeling that pessimistic.  I just feel like I have mentally and physically taken on a lot of burdens that are not mine and I just want to walk away from all of them.  It’s not like I’m really doing anyone any good by hanging on to them anyway.  I’m just stressing myself out and getting nowhere.

And you’re probably thinking “What the hell are you talking about?”

I read vague blogs and wonder that.  Like I walked into a movie that is halfway over and the plot line is not so easily deciphered.

I wish I could fully explain everything and that you could fully explain everything to me and we could have a deep understanding of one another that somehow makes everything better.  I think I want friends, but then I think perhaps I am fooling myself.  It is easier to just be the weirdo you that you want to be and not take on so much of the burden of unmet expectations that human relationships entail.

So confused.

I have a fair amount of produce that my yard has produced.  I wish I could send you all a few tomatoes and nectarines, but alas, you are far away.  My garden is not very beautiful, but it has produced a bit of yummy fresh produce.

And my produce is a sort of analogy for my life.  If I don’t figure out a good way to use it, it will just rot away.

Thanks for reading my rambling.  What the heck should I call this post?

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment