The Problem with Spirituality

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So I have to admit I have a rather troubled relationship with spirituality.  It is not something that anyone I know or anyone in my family has really embraced.  The deepest spirituality got in my family is my mom trying to convince us to go to church.  I never felt she really believed or studied the Bible as much as she just wanted to fit in and be part of a community.  She grew up in a small town in the Midwest and church was pretty much all there was to do there.

I guess my real entrance into spirituality came when I was in college.  It was more of an accident than any kind of intentional pursuit.  I was studying various subjects.  It was my history and moral philosophy classes that really got me thinking – and thinking and thinking and thinking and questioning.  I didn’t realize it then but for several months I was spending most of my time in some kind of meditative and contemplative state as I went about my day.  I didn’t sleep well at night and spent most of my time thinking when I was in bed too.  I didn’t fit well into the college scene and didn’t have much else to do other than my classes.  This thinking led to a spiritual crisis of sorts.  I made a bunch of bad decisions and felt like a fool.

After a bit of drama I pretty much rejected this path and just tried to fit in and do the school thing after that.  I was not very happy but I wasn’t causing anyone any problems.  Lord knows I don’t want to cause anyone problems or worry them.

My intention here was not to tell my life story.  But at various times I got back into spirituality and – zap – my life somehow went off the rails again.  Not that my life was ever really firmly planted on the rails I guess.  So I met my husband…hmmmm….I should not talk very much about my husband here.  Oh husband – are you reading this?  Meh.  I feel like my husband is my keeper these days.

So in a nutshell, my husband thinks spirituality is a lot of stupid bunk.  I think I said as much before in here.  I have a Buddha on my dresser.  I am not big into Buddha or anything really.  It was a gift from a relative of mine.  But my husband likes to put a doobie in its hand and a toilet paper roll on its head.  This was the inspiration for this blog post.

So when I pursue spirituality stuff – even just meditation – I feel like sort of a fool.

Where do I go from there?  Yes there is the problem with my spirituality.  Yes, we have a misalignment of values.

Well, that is not the only problem with it I guess.  I think there is a lot of BS in the New Age and spirituality movements and that gives me a lot of pause before I pursue or talk about these topics with anyone.  Not only is there BS but it seems there are a lot of unethical people involved in scams and whatnot as well.  So there is a big internal conflict too.  I am not a wishy washy New Ager.  I am a….well…what the hell am I?  I can’t fit myself into any identifiable box anymore.  I am just a misfit.

I have developed a fascination with tarot cards too.  And well – that is just silliness right?

I have exposed too much now.  I need to retreat.  This blog post may mysteriously disappear.

 

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