So I was thinking about my last post about a conflict with my husband, which you can find here, and remembered some things that I didn’t mention in that post.
One of the things that I told my husband when I was having my emotional breakdown that did seem to sink in and impact him is when I described how in some ways our relationship mirrors my parents’ relationship. I told him about how my dad would not listen to my mom when she was saying something he didn’t want to hear. My dad would instead talk over her and often say dismissive or insulting things to her. My mother, who I have been told is also an empath, held a lot of resentment toward my dad. I remember when we would go on long car trips and my dad would leave the car for whatever reason, to get gas or something, my mom would mutter angry things under her breath about whatever aspect/behavior of my dad she was dissatisfied with. She was frustrated a lot of the time but kept her mouth shut in order to keep the peace. I’m guessing she also probably kept her mouth shut because my dad wasn’t really open to listening most of the time. So trying to talk to him about things just turned into wasted breath and churned up unproductive hostility between them.
I told my husband that I feel that way when I try to talk to him about certain things. If he doesn’t like what I’m saying he will talk over me and say that I’m just being unreasonable or whatever, as I mentioned in the last post. I told him that I didn’t want to be like my mom, harboring anger and resentment all the time. My feelings may not make sense or “be reasonable” to him but they are still my feelings and I cannot make them magically disappear. My husband didn’t like being compared to my dad, who was an alcoholic and had a lot of his own issues. I wasn’t trying to shame my husband, only trying to get my point across, but stating my point this way got some kind of message across that hadn’t quite made it across the communication chasm before. He’s being nicer to me and not invading my space so much. The space invasion aspect was really wearing thin on me.
So, owning up to my super power as an “intuitive” – I see patterns. I see patterns that mostly relate to relationships on both a personal, societal level and historical level. I saw the pattern in my parent’s relationship and related it to my own relationship pattern. Often seeing these patterns seems useless because openly telling people about them usually just makes them angry because 1. No one wants to be told what may be wrong with them 2. I have no authority to make this type of observation.
I want to use this superpower in a productive way but thus far have not been able to find a way. This is one instance where my superpower may have come in useful. Woot!!
At any rate I found a YouTube video yesterday made by Lysa Black. In it she discusses how when people treat us inappropriately, we need to speak up. If we fail to speak up and inform them of how their behavior is affecting us, we deny them the opportunity to evolve and better themselves. She also went in to how, if we don’t speak up, we will often turn to self-destructive behavior in order to deal with the frustration of not speaking our truth and continuing to allow ourselves to be wronged in whatever way. She is also an empath who has made a career of healing. She is very genuine and hasn’t created a big marketing machine yet so she might resonate more with some people than Heidi Sawyer does.
Anyway, taking her advice is definitely more easily said than done but it is something to at least start thinking about.