A big debate that goes on in my head is whether I should try to start my own business doing some idealistic thing or if I should get a job.
Whenever I look at jobs on the internet I get discouraged. I used to start getting very depressed while doing job searches. I don’t get those feelings as much anymore. My feelings about getting a job are more neutral. I worry more about forcing myself into the daily grind again. It used to just wear away at my soul trying to fit everything in my life around a job. I have great respect for all of you dedicated job holders. May the force be with you.
When I think about starting my own business all sorts of worries and limiting beliefs come up. Last night I had a dream where I opened my own business. I was teaching people something. I’m not sure what exactly, but a time lapse of a white board played out in front of me and lots of words and diagrams quickly appeared and disappeared from the board as if a lot of time was passing quickly and I was teaching a lot of different lessons. But then I was shown the storefront of my business and it was closed and you could see in the windows that it was empty. There was some sort of religious man standing out front gloating. He was glad that my business had failed because it was some sort of “abomination”. Weirdness. Another man in black also seemed happy that it failed and he was yelling mean things at me. Great.
I wish I could find a job that had sort of a family feel. I used to work at the library at my college and the students who worked there were all friends and it was fun coming to work. I haven’t experienced that since then. If I started my own business or made some small attempt at it I wish I knew I would have some kind of cheerleading squad. The Cheers theme song comes to mind “Where everybody knows your name….”. I often feel so alone in all my thoughts and endeavors.
I listened to an episode of a podcast called the “Good Life Project”. The guest on the most recent episode was Jen Sincero. She is the author of a book called You Are A Badass. It was encouraging to listen to her story. She helps people pursue what they really want to do with their lives instead of just doing the safe things that they think will keep the cash in the bank account. Laura Berman Fortgang is another life coach who helps people achieve their dreams. I watched some of her videos.
I feel like I should stay away from the woo woo in any business that I decide to pursue for now. I’m still in my own tentative stages of believing in the woo woo and am not ready to promote it in any way more public than a low traffic blog. My latest idea is to promote better communication, but not as a guru, more as a facilitator type person. I like the idea of small groups talking about their issues and helping one another work through them. Perhaps this would start out as a small book club. I am not very confident in my own communication skills and don’t really have a place to hone them at the moment. So I had the need to look up the word hone to make sure it means what I think it means. So this is for any vocabulary buffs out there.