I did not enroll yet. What class was I thinking of taking? It was a class to become an alcohol and drug counselor. At the moment I think I can still enroll for the Summer but I have many conflicted feelings about this.
See, I want to see myself as some kind of healer but I don’t have it in me at the moment. I feel drained by my circumstances, my marriage, my…the list goes on.
I don’t think I could be one of those people who gives hope to the hopeless. At least I couldn’t be at the moment. I feel like our society is such a slippery slope at this time. If you screw up the best course of action, according to current wisdom, is to warehouse you in a super stressful environment until you are released into a world that most likely wants nothing to do with you. Sounds like a good recipe for mass shootings.
Where do I sign up to update/revise current wisdom and societal practices? Is that position available? Oh, I need much thicker skin for that position – which I think I am actually currently developing. There is my tiny amount of progress.
It seems there are two of me existing in one body. There is the one that wants to be a good little girl and get straight As and make everyone happy and blah blah blah barfo. And yes, I’m too old to be writing a statement like that.
Then there is the me that wants to scream WTF is wrong here? When people say snarky asshole things I want to call them out on it in a not-so-polite way. But then that would just make me a crazy bitch right? Being a woman is shit. That’s not really true. I would totally hate being a man.
So speaking of being a therapist, have any of you been watching The Leftovers? If you would like to watch a rather dark television show that explores our societal collective shadow and what seem like bizarre religious beliefs, then you should probably not read this any further. You should just go and watch The Leftovers. But just be warned, this show gets very dark – so dark that I was going to stop watching – but then it took a turn to being more hopeful so I got back into it. I will write more about this later because in my book it is awesome – but definitely not for everyone.